Merry Christmas everyone, from your mate Joe Fortune. Thought I’d pull together my Chrissie guide on what I like to get up to, as well as giving you a nudge or two on my routines, which includes having plenty of packs of Tim Tams in the fridge, and what I reckon you could get up to depending on where you find yourself this Christmas holidays.
Planning Chrissie
As you know, each year Christmas can get a bit busy with relos suddenly dropping by, local shops running out of what you need and of course, we all know people who have different dietary needs these days… All good, but I’ve learnt over the years that planning makes things much better.
First up, clear your freezer out and stock up with plenty of party pies, sausage rolls and a few veggie options like quiches. That means no matter who comes over, you’ve got plenty of options to keep your guests happy whilst they sink a few cold ones. Also, make sure you’ve got plenty of tomato sauce, there’s always one or two kids who seem to drink the stuff and it goes bloody quickly!
If you’re going to get fish, prawns, oysters, bugs or anything else from the sea, then I suggest you call your fishmonger or local supermarket and get an order in early. I’ve learnt from my mistakes over the years and have forgotten until a few days out and let’s just say I landed only a few slim pickings, and I still get reminded about this by one Aunt in particular…
Christmas 2024 Events Around Australia
Viva BrisVegas
If you’re in Brisbane, the summer weather makes it a ripper city for enjoying the holiday season outdoors. One of the standout things to do is to see the South Bank Christmas Markets, held in the South Bank Parklands. The markets showcase locally made crafts, gourmet foods, and some unique gifts, which you might want to get as a back-up for unexpected guests who visit!
Another highlight of Brisbane’s festive season is the Christmas on the River event, where the Brisbane River becomes the stage for festive light displays and holiday celebrations. The city’s Story Bridge is alight with thousands of lights, creating a breathtaking view over the river, and there are also river cruises offering a special way to experience the city. For families, a day at the Lone Pine Koala Sanctuary is always a good thing to do, as you get to be close with koalas, kangaroo feeding, and hanging out with a few other native animals.
Sing Loudly in Adelaide
Adelaide is the City of Churches, so if you like singing Christmas Carols, you’ve got plenty of choice here! The Adelaide Christmas Pageant is worth seeing, as it features a colourful parade with floats and performers. The Christmas markets in Adelaide are a great place to experience the city’s local produce, its great food and very drinkable wines. The Rundle Mall, covered with Christmas decorations, is perfect for those of you who love shopping, while the Adelaide Christmas Market offers handcrafted gifts, gourmet foods, and local artisan goods.
For those of you who love your wine and food, the Barossa Valley wine tours are an excellent day trip, with tastings at some of Australia’s best wineries. Many of the local wine makers in the region host special events during the Christmas offering lunch, live music, and of course wine drinking experiences. This dead set gets the Joe Fortune tick of approval…
Darwin-ning
Darwin’s tropical climate makes it a truly unique place to celebrate Christmas, and you want to spend your time outdoors having a barbie or picnic, and of course, dipping into the ocean. The Mindil Beach Sunset Markets take on a festive theme offering local crafts, indigenous food, and plenty of Christmas entertainment. For a livelier celebration, Darwin’s Christmas Parade brings loads of cheer to the streets, with floats, bands, and performers.
Ho Ho Hobart
Hobart has plenty to do during Christmas, from visiting the lively Salamanca Markets to exploring the beautifully decorated Royal Tasmanian Botanical Gardens. Enjoy the Christmas parade and festive cruises on the Derwent River, or spectacular Christmas lights displays. For a relaxing experience, visit Mount Wellington or check out the ripper local restaurants for locally produced holiday feasts.
Melbourne Cricket Ground
Melbourne, known for its eclectic and creative spirit, brings a cracking flavour to Christmas as Federation Square becomes a hub of festive cheer, with its giant Christmas tree, light displays, and live performances. For those of you looking for a more urban experience, Melbourne’s laneways with their street art, hidden bars, and cafés are transformed with lights and decorations. A walk through around here in particular Hosier Lane and Degraves Street, offer up something different and show off the city’s cool vibes.
The Royal Botanical Gardens is another way to enjoy Melbourne during the Christmas season, with its Summer Concert Series. But I reckon if you’re in Melbourne over Christmas, keep yourself fresh and get ready for Boxing Day as you’ve got to give a visit to the MCG a go and what better than to see us Aussies playing India, the atmosphere will be bloody brilliant!
Christmas Perth-fection
What a city to enjoy a more relaxed Chrissie, here you’ve got to head to the beach but do bring some shade and suncream. At Cottesloe Beach you’ll see lots of picnics and games and of course on Christmas Day you’ve also got to have a swim or surf in the ocean but watch out for sharks! If you’re visiting then check out taking a day trip to Rottnest Island, known for its friendly smiling quokkas and stunning beaches, this will make your holiday very special indeed and is on my bucket list.
Canberra Without Politicians
Canberra doesn’t always get a reputation as a place to go to but don’t let all those polis put you off as they won’t be there over Chrissie. There are many cultural experiences and not just the museums we all had to go to on school trips! Commonwealth Park is the site of the annual Christmas Lights Display. The area is transformed with twinkling lights, big installations, and musical light shows that create a special look and feel.
Sydney Sparkles
The harbour city is famous for its stunning Christmas celebrations. A centrepiece of Sydney’s festivities is the Christmas tree at Circular Quay, which is covered in bright lights and decorations. For those seeking more traditional festivities, the carol performances at the Sydney Opera House are worth heading to.
For many Sydney-siders Christmas means spending the day at the beach to get into the holiday mood. On Christmas Day, many beaches in particular Coogee and Bondi are filled with British, Irish and Brazilian tourists who celebrate with barbecues and plenty of booze, just quietly I’d try to avoid these spots as they can get a bit too much!
Grab a Bargain on Boxing Day
Don’t forget once you’ve dusted off the Christmas feast and hangover, you can head to your local town or city and grab some ripper deals in the shops with the annual Boxing Day Sale. I’ll admit it, I’m not one for heading to the shops and fighting the crowds on Boxing Day myself, but the good news is that most retailers will offer Boxing Day sales online, so you can browse the deals from the comfort of your sofa whilst cracking open another cold one!
What Joe Loves
There are fewer more enjoyable things than a smoked ham with a sweet mustard glaze on it. I make sure I prepare and cook mine a couple of days before Christmas to ensure that the flavours have all got properly into the meat. Just make sure you get yourselves a cotton ham-bag and keep it tightly wrapped and stored in your fridge. Then an hour before your mates and relos pop over, get it out and make sure your knife is sharp, so your slices are wafer thin. My mouth is already watering just thinking about how much I can’t wait to tuck into it!
What Joe Avoids
There are always a few people who drop by and insist on bringing food for the table, but you need to avoid what certain relos try to unload on you. Sure, I’m always happy with a pav or a few extra snags for the barbie but I never accept any sangas. Jeez by the time they’re served up they’re either as soggy as my budgie smugglers after a Bondi dip, or dry as a dead cockroach that has been left in the sun for 5 days.
Avoid stress when it comes to worrying about ice – don’t make your own, head to the likes of Dan Murphy and stock up with plenty of bags. If you’ve not got a deep freezer, it is well worth hiring one that you can stock your ice and meats in as there’s nothing worse than warm grog and not enough food for your barbie when you’re hosting at Christmas!
Joe’s Pro Chrissie Tips
With a range of Christmas and Santa-themed online pokies, I’ll level with you that I don’t mind having a few minutes away from the relos and get a few mates to chip in and have a few spins. There’s nothing better than landing a bonus feature or free spins with the boys and winning a few bucks to cover a couple of rounds of drinks when next at my local.
So, there you have it, my guide for what to do, or not to do, this Christmas. Just quietly I haven’t got much time for watching the King’s Speech, carols or much TV in general over Chrissie so I’ve set up a separate room for my relos who enjoy these sorts of things. That said come Boxing Day there is only one thing which is on in the living room and that of course is the Test Match, come on you Aussies!